Superagent Czar Peter

Original Superagent Czar Peter went to Europe for the first time in 1697 with a Grand Embassy to seek a settlement with the European monarchs and the Ottoman Empire. Ottoman Empire laid siege on Vienna in 1683. How do you stop the Ottoman Sultan from taking Vienna?

The ensuing war between Western Europe and the Empire lasted until Czar Peter returned home in 1699. This Embassy was supposed to last only a couple of weeks. Nobody from the Russian Grand Embassy returned home.

The King of England, in concert with the Kings of France, Austria, and Holland, replaced Russian Czar Peter with his look-alike super-agent to stop the imminent Russian and Ottoman invasions. This look-alike of Russian Czar Peter was an officer of the Dutch East India Company.

Brand new Czar Peter changed his agenda completely and started traveling to Germany, Holland, and England. He worked as a carpenter for 4 months at the Dutch East India Company shipyard, building a ship, “Peter and Paul,” allegedly laid down especially for him.

Czar Peter met with King William III, visited Greenwich and Oxford, and saw a Royal Navy Fleet Review at Deptford. He had to rush home from England to crush the rebellion of the Streltsy, the Czar’s guard, and to punish the mutineers ruthlessly. Weeks before his return, the Russian Army easily and bloodlessly crushed the rebellion.

Upon his arrival, Czar Peter ordered that 1,200 Streltsy rebels be tortured and executed (a couple of dozen by the Czar’s own hand). As a warning to future conspirators, they publicly displayed their bodies. Peter reformed Russia to the hilt.

The Chronology Issue . Czar Peter went to Europe as a 25-year-old to sue for peace but returned home after 2 years as a 40-year-old who mastered shipbuilding and a prize saber fight. The improved version of Czar Peter smoked, spoke Russian with a German accent, and ordered all to call him Great from now on.

His own family did not recognize him; as a result, he sent his wife, Eudoxia, to a monastery.

Peter disbanded the Czar`s guard of Streltsy that supported his half-sister Sophia, who pretended to be on the throne. He made her a nun and sent her to a monastery, too.

Czar Peter ordered the nobility of boyars to cut beards, smoke tobacco, and dance ballet. Once he became the Great One, Peter beheaded the old imperial guard, created the modern land army that won, and built a fleet that sank.

Better yet, Czar Peter reformed the Orthodox church into total submission. Old Russian Orthodox Church called him Antichrist, so he created a Church Council Synod and proclaimed himself its head. This council had reformed the Russian Church into oblivion. Most of the stubborn Orthodox crowd was simply burnt alive to save their souls.

Peter put on a live trial of the new army of Sweden’s king, Karl XII, who also wanted to usurp the Russian throne. Peter beat Karl’s army, rumored to be the best of this time in Europe, into pulp in Poltava, Ukraine. Peter the Great promoted himself to the Emperor of Russia.

High European aristocracy didn’t let Czar Peter marry in. Peter had raised a merchant-convoy woman, Marta Skowrońska, to Empress Ekaterina I. He took her from his general, and the latter took Marta-Katerina from his corporal.

Russia paid a steep price for his reforms in blood, sweat, and tears. Peter did not quite succeed in his brazen reforms, so he left a Will ordering the Russian Empire to reconquer Europe again.

For the Dutch Czar Peter, European customs were superior to Russian traditions in every respect. He ordered German historians to be brought to Russia to found a Russian Academy and rewrite Russian history in line with the consensus version practiced in Europe.

Czar Peter the Great literally ruined Russia, lost at least a quarter of its population, tried to break into Europe, and made Russia into an awkward upstart and a laughing stock of Europe.

For his own security, he moved Russia’s capital from Moscow to St Petersburg. The big idea was to build a northern Venice. The new capital was not only a window to Europe but a backdoor to Europe, just in case.

The monument glorifying the deeds of Russian Czar Peter the Great was erected in 1997 and is 98 meters high (322 ft). Initially, Georgian designer Zurab Tsereteli designed it as a monument to Columbus in New York to commemorate 500 years since the discovery of America. Russian post office printed millions of stamps, but New York said NIET, i.e., many thanks, but NO!!!

Sculptor Zereteli morphed Columbus into Great Czar Peter to commemorate 300 years of the Russian Navy that took 100 years to hit the ocean waves. It weighs around 1,000 tons and contains 600 tons of stainless steel, bronze, and copper.

The statue has courted controversy and was voted the tenth ugliest building in the world. Muscovites were skeptical about the whole idea: why pay tribute to Peter the Great, who loathed Moscow and moved the capital to St Petersburg?

Moscow authorities, keen to get rid of the Peter the Great statue, offered to relocate it to Saint Petersburg, but the latter refused, as they already have a Dutch Czar Peter equestrian statue.