Hell freezes?

The news comes at an inopportune time for the Kingdom of Chaos, which is also struggling with record population increases and historically cold winters blamed by French President Macron on Global Climate Change.

The unfortunate confluence of events is prompting some analysts to question Heck’s decision to move its base of operations to the USA.

“We moved here in the first place because of the favorable weather conditions,” claims one under-demon, who desired to remain anonymous because he is not authorized to speak on the subject, “Of course, with our easy access to Las Vegas, we save billions on transportation costs for new arrivals of souls.”

If the situation does not improve quickly, Heck may be forced to seek a fourth round of QE bail-out money. “With the entire country going to Heck under the new Congress, it is only appropriate that they should pay for it,” said a second under-demon.

The recently elected Congressman has already scheduled a special news conference to promote another bailout bill. According to his official spokesman, “Heck – they are the largest employer in the USA and it is important they do not go under.”

The Congressman claims he has met with his Democratic colleagues, who have assured him they will support even a fifth QE – as soon as Hell freezes over.