Jesus, at the Nazareth school

Jesus, a pupil at the Nazareth school, returns home with his report card, which is frankly not very good. His mother has already seen the wrong bulletin but has not said anything preferring to meditate all these things in his heart. However, today, the most difficult thing remains to come: it must be shown to Joseph.

From: Simeon School of Nazareth
Recipients: Joseph and Marie David

Subject: Bulletin of Jesus
– Mathematics: Can do almost nothing, except multiply loaves of bread and fish.
– Meaning of addition: Is not acquired; affirms that he and his Father are one.
– Scripture: Never has his notebooks and pencils; is obliged to write on the sand.
– Geography: Has no sense of direction; affirms that there is only one way and that he leads to his Father.
– Chemistry: Do not do the requested exercises; as soon as your back is turned, He turns the water into wine to make his friends laugh.
– Physical Education: Instead of learning to swim like everyone else, he walks on the water.
– Oral expression: Big difficulties to speak clearly; expresses itself in the form of parables.
– Order: Lost all his belongings at school and declare, without shame, that he does not even have a stone for a pillow.
– Conduct: An unfortunate tendency to frequent foreigners, the poor, mangy and even prostitutes.

Joseph, knowing that it can not last, that he must take severe measures, says:
– Well, my little Jesus, since it’s like that, you can make a cross on your Easter holidays!

Premier Ministre d’Israëll orders lockdown and Online education to improve the notes of Jesus!

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Also by Anatoly T. Fomenko

(List is non-exhaustive)

• Differential Geometry and Topology
• Plenum Publishing Corporation. 1987. USA, Consultants Bureau, New York, and London.
• Variational Principles in Topology. Multidimensional Minimal Surface Theory
• Kluwer Academic Publishers, The Netherlands, 1990.
• Topological variational problems. – Gordon and Breach, 1991.
• Integrability and Nonintegrability in Geometry and Mechanics
• Kluwer Academic Publishers, The Netherlands, 1988.
• The Plateau Problem. vols.1, 2
• Gordon and Breach, 1990. (Studies in the Development of Modern Mathematics.)
• Symplectic Geometry.Methods and Applications.
• Gordon and Breach, 1988. Second edition 1995.
• Minimal surfaces and Plateau problem. Together with Dao Chong Thi
• USA, American Mathematical Society, 1991.
• Integrable Systems on Lie Algebras and Symmetric Spaces. Together with V. V. Trofimov. Gordon and Breach, 1987.
• Geometry of Minimal Surfaces in Three-Dimensional Space. Together with A. A.Tuzhilin
• USA, American Mathematical Society. In: Translation of Mathematical Monographs. vol.93, 1991.
• Topological Classification of Integrable Systems. Advances in Soviet Mathematics, vol. 6
• USA, American Mathematical Society, 1991.
• Tensor and Vector Analysis: Geometry, Mechanics and Physics. – Taylor and Francis, 1988.
• Algorithmic and Computer Methods for Three-Manifolds. Together with S.V.Matveev
• Kluwer Academic Publishers, The Netherlands, 1997.
• Topological Modeling for Visualization. Together with T. L. Kunii. – Springer-Verlag, 1997.
• Modern Geometry. Methods and Applications. Together with B. A. Dubrovin, S. P. Novikov
• Springer-Verlag, GTM 93, Part 1, 1984; GTM 104, Part 2, 1985. Part 3, 1990, GTM 124.
• The basic elements of differential geometry and topology. Together with S. P. Novikov
• Kluwer Acad. Publishers, The Netherlands, 1990.
• Integrable Hamiltonian Systems: Geometry, Topology, Classification. Together with A. V. Bolsinov
• Taylor and Francis, 2003.
• Empirical-Statistical Analysis of Narrative Material and its Applications to Historical Dating.
• Vol.1: The Development of the Statistical Tools. Vol.2: The Analysis of Ancient and Medieval
• Records. – Kluwer Academic Publishers. The Netherlands, 1994.
• Geometrical and Statistical Methods of Analysis of Star Configurations. Dating Ptolemy’s
• Almagest. Together with V. V Kalashnikov., G. V. Nosovsky. – CRC-Press, USA, 1993.
• New Methods of Statistical Analysis of Historical Texts. Applications to Chronology. Antiquity in the Middle Ages. Greek and Bible History. Vols.1, 2, 3. – The Edwin Mellen Press. USA. Lewiston.
• Queenston. Lampeter, 1999.
• Mathematical Impressions. – American Mathematical Society, USA, 1990.

Délicieux ! Jésus, élève à l’école de Nazareth, rentre chez lui avec son bulletin scolaire lequel n’est franchement pas très bon. Sa mère a déjà vu le mauvais bulletin mais n’a rien dit préférant méditer toutes ces choses dans son coeur. Cependant, aujourd’hui, le plus difficile reste à venir : il faut le montrer à Joseph. 

Expéditeur : École Siméon de Nazareth
Destinataires : Joseph et Marie David

Objet : Bulletin de Jésus
– Mathématiques : Ne sait quasiment rien faire, à part multiplier les pains et les poissons.
– Sens de l’addition : N’est pas acquis ; affirme que son Père et lui ne font qu’un.
– Écriture : N’a jamais ses cahiers et ses crayons ; est obligé d’écrire sur le sable.
– Géographie : N’a aucun sens de l’orientation ; affirme qu’il n’y a qu’un seul chemin et qu’il conduit chez son Père.
– Chimie : Ne fait pas les exercices demandés ; dès qu’on a le dos tourné, transforme l’eau en vin pour faire rigoler ses camarades.
– Éducation physique : Au lieu d’apprendre à nager comme tout le monde, il marche sur l’eau.
– Expression orale : Grosses difficultés à parler clairement ; s’exprime sous forme de paraboles.
– Ordre : A perdu toutes ses affaires à l’école et déclare, sans honte, qu’il n’a même pas une pierre pour oreiller.
– Conduite : Fâcheuse tendance à fréquenter les étrangers, les pauvres, les galeux et même les prostituées.

– Eh ben, mon p’tit Jésus, puisque c’est comme ça, tu peux faire une croix sur tes vacances de Pâques !