Magi 2024

Jesus, soft drink drama

Jesus was born in Bethlehem, Palestine, a country where Palestinians have names: Mohamed, Abdel, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Yusuf, Mouloud, Mokhtar, Abdallah, Abdul, etc.

To find the followers, He went to Jerusalem, Izrael, a country where Jews have the names: Aaron, Shlomo, Shimon, Yoel, Noam, Nathan, Menahem, Yitzhak, Benyamin, Yigal, etc.

Jesus found 12 persons for His Last Supper with neither Palestinian nor Jewish American names: Peter, Paul, James, John, Thomas, Luke, Matthew, Andrew, Philip, Simon, Bartholomew, and one local name, Judas.

Second Miracle

Jesus turned water into wine. All guests became His Apostles (followers) after tasting this soft drink.

Judas pretended not to like the taste, kissed Jesus, and reported by His order the miracle of “the fake wine” soft drink to the Sinedrion Jewish authorities. They rewarded Judas with 30 silver coins and sent in a Roman patrol that conducted Jesus to Sinedrion for a hearing. After the hearing, Sinedrion sent Jesus to Pilate, i.e., governor of the Roman Empire that occupied Izrael, to punish Jesus for a non-licensed activity. Pilate fined Jesus for a misdemeanor by 39 lashes and sent Jesus to the local ruler, Herod.

Hard liquor alcoholic Herod refused to taste the “fake wine” and sent Jesus back to Pilate, asking to raise the punishment to the top level. The overwhelming population of the hard drinkers in public supported and insisted on the ultimate punishment and threatened to complain to Emperor Tiberius. Governor Pilate, caring for the public order in the Roman colony Izrael and was afraid of the demotion, had to comply, washed his hands, and ordered the Crucifixion of Jesus.

The introduction of the new ideology under the guise of the promotion of a non-alcoholic soft drink turned into a record-breaking promotion event that ended dramatically both for Jesus and Judas. The “fake wine” soft drink promotion became a long-term success we still admire!

If Jesus was born today … it would be reported by mass media as the “fake news”:

This very early morning, the police were informed by a law-abiding citizen of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, that a homeless family had settled in his barn. The sheriff immediately dispatched a patrol to the scene. Upon arrival at the scene, the detective found a newborn in a barn and reported it to the sheriff.

The couple claimed to be the parents on their way from the Evil Empire of Eurasia to Egypt to save baby Jesus from the coming new Little Ice Age in the USA and persecution by Governor Augustus. Joseph Nazareth and his minor companion Mary (presumably the mother) were immediately checked for infectious diseases, vaccinated, report sent to the CDC, and placed in police custody.

When the officers discovered and reported that a newborn baby was wrapped in pieces of cloth without proper hygiene precautions, sleeping on straw bedding, the sheriff promptly notified the FDA of the fact.

Joseph has identified himself as a carpenter looking for a job in Bethlehem Steel, Inc., turned into a casino. The alleged parents, Joseph and Mary, desperately resisted the officers taking the child to a safe place.

Joseph Nazareth was accompanied by local Cowboys who claimed to be the Shepherds and three undocumented migrants suspected in the illegal crossing of the Mexican or Canadian borders. They were posing as magi Melchior, Caspar, and Balthasar, guided by a superstar, allegedly from Babylon, Mesopotamia.

They were arrested, and the Agencies FBI, NSA, and CIA were instructed to check the facts. The Cowboys were fined for a misdemeanor and sent off to graze their sheep.

The White House suspects an eventual terrorist plot and sets up a crisis cell headed by State Attorney Herod, who names Pilate as the Special Prosecutor for this case.

Pilate publicly wondered about the origin of these three men and issued subpoenas and warrants. The sheriff of Bethlehem, Colonel Smith, confirmed that they didn’t have either identity papers or visas but were in possession of gold undeclared to USA customs as well as illicit products that were sent to a lab for further analysis.

The police suspect the group was consuming narcotics, probably brought in by three migrants from alleged Babylon. These men refused to answer questions from the police, claiming God told them not to. Pilate ordered the deportation of these illegal immigrants to Babilon.

The deportation warrant couldn’t be executed as both GPS search and Air Force recognizance drones failed to localize the city of Babilon in Iraq. Therefore, the suspects were transferred to Guantanamo, Cuba, for intensive interrogation.

According to the local child protection agency in charge of the case, the father would be in his fifties, while the mother is certainly not of age. She is currently at Bethlehem University Hospital for medical and psychiatric examinations. The place where the newborn is currently located has not been communicated.

She claims to be a virgin and says the baby comes from God. If her mental state allows, the woman may be indicted for non-assistance to a person in danger. Saliva, blood samples, and fingerprints were taken, and the DNA tests needed for the investigation were performed.

In the latest news, we learn that the Cowboys (shepherds) present on the scene claim to have seen a big man dressed in white, who ordered them to go to the barn before flying away mysteriously. No hypothesis on how that mysterious man escaped is currently ruled out, with some witnesses testifying that he fled on his UFO to the Evil Empire of Eurasia.

The Democrat minority has signaled its outrage regarding the lack of sufficient means of protection for the prevention of UFOs of the Evil Empire of Eurasia from violating USA airspace. They insist on a bipartisan congressional inquiry.

Several ecologists’ party surrogates also tweeted to remind people that making a wood fire in a barn should be avoided as a source of pollution according to the EPA rules.

The extreme left pounced on the story, denouncing the savage capitalism that increases rents and prevents modest American families from having decent housing and resorting to giving birth in a barn.

The White House responded that it has opened many new places of residence since the elections to avoid leaving families in the streets, noting the previous President had been actively seeking to remove the housing for poor families.

Follow live on Fox News … and tune in to our special debate at 5:30 pm on the theme “Can we still give birth in a barn these days? ” in the presence of several distinguished guests from Stanford, Harvard, Yale, and MIT.

We are just receiving breaking news regarding the medical examination of the couple: the minor girl was confirmed to be a virgin, indicating the homeless couple cannot be the parents as they previously claimed. It is our understanding they will now be held on charges of a child abduction… a crime carrying sentences of up to 30 years of imprisonment.”

The Judgement Day hearings in the Supreme Court are to be held soon.

Stay tuned…

Refutation of the article in Wikipedia about the New Chronology

Has h istory been tampered with?

The consensual world history is a finely woven magic fabric of intricate lies about events predating the sixteenth century we are happy to live with. There is not a single piece of evidence that can be irrefutably and independently dated earlier than the eleventh century. Radiocarbon and dendrochronological dating are manipulated by mainstream historians. The Antiquity and subsequent Dark Ages fables were created by the concerted effort of the aristocracy, clergy, and humanists in the XV-XVII centuries. Time to face the realities?

If we are not able to ask skeptical questions, interrogate those who tell us that something is true or be skeptical of those in authority, then we are up for grabs for the next charlatan (political or religious) who comes rambling along. Dr. Carl Sagan

The second coming of Jesus, Buddha, and Krishna to the Evil Empire

Critics

Refutation of the article in Wikipedia about the New Chronology

History: Fiction or Science? Volume 8: Reconstruction of Chronology Part of: History: Fiction or Science? (29 books) by Anatoly T. Fomenko and Gleb W. Nosovskiy | Sep 3, 2023

Chron8-Table of Contents

LOOK INSIDE History: Fiction or Science? A reconstruction of global history. The Great Empire’s legacy in Eurasia and America’s history and culture.: New Chronology; part 2 of vol.6 Paperback – October 31, 2022 (Chronology Volume 7)

Table of Contents V7

LOOK INSIDE History: Fiction or Science? Mediæval World Empire • Conquest of the Promised Land (Chronology Volume 6)

Table of Contents V6

LOOK INSIDE History: Fiction of Science?: Conquest of the world. Europe. China. Japan. Russia (Chronology) (Volume 5)

Table of Contents V5

LOOK INSIDE History: Fiction or Science? Russia. Britain. Byzantium. Rome. New Chronology vol.4.

Table of Contents V4

LOOK INSIDE History: Fiction or Science? Astronomical methods as applied to chronology. Ptolemy’s Almagest. Tycho Brahe. Copernicus. The Egyptian zodiacs. New Chronology vol.3.

Table of Contents V3

LOOK INSIDE History: Fiction or Science? The dynastic parallelism method. Rome. Troy. Greece. The Bible. Chronological shifts. New Chronology Vol.2

Table of Contents V2

LOOK INSIDE History: Fiction or Science? Dating methods as offered by mathematical statistics. Eclipses and zodiacs. New Chronology Vol.I, 2nd revised Expanded Edition.

Table of Contents V1

Also by Anatoly T. Fomenko

(List is non-exhaustive)

Differential Geometry and Topology
Plenum Publishing Corporation. 1987. USA, Consultants Bureau, New York and London.
Variational Principles in Topology. Multidimensional Minimal Surface Theory
Kluwer Academic Publishers, The Netherlands, 1990.
Topological variational problems. – Gordon and Breach, 1991.
Integrability and Nonintegrability in Geometry and Mechanics
Kluwer Academic Publishers, The Netherlands, 1988.
The Plateau Problem. vols.1, 2
Gordon and Breach, 1990. (Studies in the Development of Modern Mathematics.)
Symplectic Geometry.Methods and Applications.
Gordon and Breach, 1988. Second edition 1995.
Minimal surfaces and Plateau problem. Together with Dao Chong Thi
USA, American Mathematical Society, 1991.
Integrable Systems on Lie Algebras and Symmetric Spaces. Together with V. V. Trofimov. Gordon and Breach, 1987.
The geometry of Minimal Surfaces in Three-Dimensional Space. Together with A. A.Tuzhilin
USA, American Mathematical Society. In: Translation of Mathematical Monographs. vol.93, 1991.
Topological Classification of Integrable Systems. Advances in Soviet Mathematics, vol. 6
USA, American Mathematical Society, 1991.
Tensor and Vector Analysis: Geometry, Mechanics and Physics. – Taylor and Francis, 1988.
Algorithmic and Computer Methods for Three-Manifolds. Together with S.V.Matveev
Kluwer Academic Publishers, The Netherlands, 1997.
Topological Modeling for Visualization. Together with T. L. Kunii. – Springer-Verlag, 1997.
Modern Geometry. Methods and Applications. Together with B. A. Dubrovin, S. P. Novikov
Springer-Verlag, GTM 93, Part 1, 1984; GTM 104, Part 2, 1985. Part 3, 1990, GTM 124.
The basic elements of differential geometry and topology. Together with S. P. Novikov
Kluwer Acad. Publishers, The Netherlands, 1990.
Integrable Hamiltonian Systems: Geometry, Topology, Classification. Together with A. V. Bolsinov
Taylor and Francis, 2003.
Empirico-Statistical Analysis of Narrative Material and its Applications to Historical Dating.
Vol.1: The Development of the Statistical Tools. Vol.2: The Analysis of Ancient and Medieval
Records. – Kluwer Academic Publishers. The Netherlands, 1994.
Geometrical and Statistical Methods of Analysis of Star Configurations. Dating Ptolemy’s
Almagest. Together with V. V Kalashnikov., G. V. Nosovsky. – CRC-Press, USA, 1993.
New Methods of Statistical Analysis of Historical Texts. Applications to Chronology. Antiquity in the Middle Ages. Greek and Bible History. Vols.1, 2, 3. – The Edwin Mellen Press. USA. Lewiston.
Queenston. Lampeter, 1999.
Mathematical Impressions. – American Mathematical Society, USA, 1990.

Le tout premier miracle de Jésus.

D’après la Bible, Jésus est né à Bethléem, en Palestine, un pays où les gars s’appellent :

Mohamed, Abdel, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Yousouf, Mouloud, Mokhtar, Abdallah, Abdoul, etc.

Il vivait à Jérusalem, où les gens s’appellent :

Aaron, Shlomo, Shimon, Yoël, Noam, Nathan, Menahem, Yitzhak, Benyamin, Yigal etc.

last suppper Et ce gars a quand même réussi à se trouver 12 potes qui s’appelaient :
Pierre, Paul, Jacques, Jean, Thomas, Luc, Matthieu, André, Philippe, Simon, Barthélemy, etc. et qui buvaient en plus du pinard …

Si c’est pas un miracle ça ?

SI JÉSUS naissait aujourd’hui, en 2018…Cela donnerait la «une» suivante dans tous les journaux télévisés:

Un nouveau-né a été trouvé dans une étable. La police s’est rendue immédiatement sur les lieux et a fait appel au SAMU. Un charpentier et une mineure (vraisemblablement la mère) ont été placés en garde à vue. Ce matin très tôt, les autorités ont été avisées par un citoyen de la banlieue de Bethléem qu’une famille de S.D.F s’était installée dans son étable.

À son arrivée sur les lieux, la police a découvert un nouveau-né enveloppé dans des morceaux de tissu sans précaution d’hygiène et dormant sur une litière de paille.

Le charpentier, identifié plus tard, Joseph (de Nazareth), s’est opposé à ce que les autorités emmènent l’enfant afin de le mettre en lieu sûr. Il était aidé de plusieurs bergers ainsi que de trois migrants sans papiers. Ces trois étrangers, se présentant comme mages, ont été arrêtés. Ils sont passibles de reconstitution de secte dissoute.

Monsieur Coulon, ministère de l’Intérieur s’interroge sur l’origine de ces trois hommes probablement en route vers Calais. Le préfet a confirmé qu’ils n’avaient pas de papiers d’identité mais qu’ils détenaient de l’or ainsi que des produits suspects et illicites. Ils prétendent que Dieu leur a dit de ne pas répondre aux questions… Les produits suspects ont été envoyés en laboratoire pour analyse.

Le lieu où le nouveau-né se trouve actuellement n’a pas été communiqué.

D’après le service social en charge de l’affaire, le père avoisinerait la cinquantaine tandis que la mère n’est certainement pas majeure. On vérifie pour le moment la relation entre les deux. Mais à défaut de soupçon de pédophilie, le détournement de mineure est très suspecté…

La mère se trouve pour l’instant à l’hôpital universitaire de Bethléem pour des examens médicaux et psychiatriques. Elle prétend être encore vierge et affirme que le bébé vient de Dieu. Si son état mental le permet, elle sera mise en examen pour non-assistance à personne en danger.

La consommation de stupéfiants, probablement amenés par les trois étrangers, doit sans doute être prise en compte dans cette affaire. Des prélèvements et des prises de sang ont d’ailleurs été faits en vue de retrouver les empreintes d’ADN nécessaires à l’enquête.

Aux dernières nouvelles on apprend que les bergers présents sur les lieux affirment avoir vu un grand homme, tout de blanc vêtu, qui leur a ordonné de se rendre à l’étable, avant de s’envoler mystérieusement. Aucune hypothèse n’est écartée, comme celle d’embarquement à bord d’un OVNI qui n’est pas à exclure…

La droite s’est indignée que le gouvernement ne mette pas en place les moyens de protection suffisante pour éviter que n’importe quel OVNI puisse survoler notre espace aérien. Ils demandent une enquête parlementaire.

Les verts rappellent que faire un feu de bois dans une étable est source de pollution…

L’extrême gauche dénonce ce capitalisme sauvage qui augmente les loyers et empêche les familles modestes d’avoir un logement décent.

Le Gouvernement déclare qu’il a ouvert de nombreuses nouvelles places d’accueil depuis les élections, pour éviter de laisser des familles à la rue, alors que le précédent Président en avait supprimé.

Une cellule de crise a été installée sous la direction de monsieur le préfet Hérode, l’autorité craignant un complot dont les rumeurs avaient persisté ces derniers temps.

On pourra également suivre les images en direct sur BFM tv…et, à 17h30, « C à vous » organisera un débat sur le thème « peut-on encore accoucher dans une étable de nos jours ? » En présence de plusieurs invités : notre confrère de libération auteur d’une enquête sur “la rue pour toute vie “, d’un sociologue enseignant à l’Institut d’Études Politiques, spécialiste de la précarité sociale, de l’écrivain Hugo Victor qui a écrit” les Misérables” et de M. Ponce Pilate représentant le gouvernement.

Et, pour conclure, après examen médical, la fille mineure ayant effectivement été reconnue vierge, le couple a été placé en garde a vue pour rapt d’enfant… Restez à l’écoute de nos bulletins d’information en continue…

Bonne fête de fin d’année !