Jesus failed miracle

Starting today from 23:00 to 05:00 a laser ALIEN satellite will measure the temperature of the population (rectally). Please stick your bottom out of the open window towards the stars. Hold an open ID in your right hand. 

Jesus and Moses were hanging out in Heaven one day when they got to discussing their mutual boredom.

Moses said, “Hey Jesus, you know what we haven’t done in a while? Go down to Earth and perform some miracles.”

Jesus thought that was a great idea, so the two of them hopped onto a cloud and floated down to a city.

“What miracle would you like to perform first?” asked Moses.

“I think I’ll walk on water,” replied Jesus. “Last time I did that the people really went wild!”

So Jesus walked to the edge of a lake surrounded by hundreds of people, took a step onto the water …

And promptly sank.

Confused, he stepped out of the water, tried again …

And sank for the second time.

He turned to Moses and said, “I don’t know what’s wrong. Last time I did this it worked like a charm!”

To which Moses replied, “Well Jesus, you have to remember: last time you did this you didn’t have holes in your feet.”

Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past. — George Orwell, 1984